When Life Throws you Down...Repeatedly
Do you ever feel like one thing after another goes wrong in life, and when you get back up, you get thrown down by something else? Why does it seem like when one thing goes bad, everything else has to crumble too?
The different domains in our life (such as the ones pictured above--work, family, relationships, and social life. As well as other ones such as how we are feeling physically, emotionally, and spiritually) often bleed into each other and when one domain gets shattered, the other ones unfortunately can come crashing down as well.
What are we left to do when everything goes wrong? How can we keep getting back on our feet again?
The different domains in our life (such as the ones pictured above--work, family, relationships, and social life. As well as other ones such as how we are feeling physically, emotionally, and spiritually) often bleed into each other and when one domain gets shattered, the other ones unfortunately can come crashing down as well.
What are we left to do when everything goes wrong? How can we keep getting back on our feet again?
First of all, take a breath. I know it feels like this difficult phase of life will never end and you no longer see any light or hope in your future. I know it hurts so much sometimes and it feels like nobody understands.
If you're open to try a few simple things I will share in this post, they could potentially help you feel a little better--even if just for a moment. No your problems won't magically be fixed, but a little help getting out of a rut is something we all need sometimes.
First, understand that self-care is not a selfish thing. Too often we think by taking the time we need to rejuvenate ourselves, we are somehow hurting our loved ones or failing them. Not true. If anything, going too long without prioritizing self-care hurts them much more in the long run.
Nobody is beyond the need for self-care. Even the kindest and most-enduring person will snap or burnout eventually. So don't snap or burnout. Take time for the self-care you need. Maybe your schedule really is so busy that it doesn't allow any time for self-care. Guess what, you are allowed to say no to things. When you say no to something, you are saying yes to something else. In sum, self-care is not selfish. Find what helps you relax and recoup and start doing it! It is a must!
Now onto that list of basic little things you can do to boost your spirits in those low times...
1. Get some rest and something to eat.
Replenish that energy folks! Too often, people get so caught up in their emotion they totally forget their basic needs. Everything is going to be more intense and horrible feeling when you haven't eaten or slept in too long. Take a break from your misery parade and have a snack and/or a good nights sleep. (Refer to this link for help: https://thementalaidstation.blogspot.com/2018/03/sleep-vs-anxiety.html)
2. Take a shower and get ready for the day
I know, this one sounds too simple to be helpful. You're probably thinking, 'A shower and an outfit won't help my major problems!' Well that's true, but it really can help your mood. This basic task is a major feat for someone with depression. Once it is completed though, there is an instant mood boost. Any completed task or sense of accomplishment (even basic things) give your brain a little dopamine boost. We are wired to accomplish things. This is why when we don't, we tend to feel pretty crappy about ourselves. The cycle continues when we stop trying to do things because we feel so bad about ourselves (more about this cycle in this post http://thementalaidstation.blogspot.com/2018/04/the-balancing-act-of-control.html)
3. Connect with someone
Social connection is a human need, and no matter how hard we try to stifle it and replace it with internet connection, we still all need social connection regularly. Yes there are introverts and extroverts, but it's safe to say everyone stays more sane and stable when they feel like they mean something to other people and vise-versa.
Maybe you're not the type to open up about your feelings to people. Maybe you feel like you would burden them. Think about how freeing it can feel though? Yes it feels risky and vulnerable, but it will help you feel understood and connected to someone. Just try it (with someone you have built trust with, not a random person you just barely met preferably). What could really go wrong?
4. Find someone to serve
I know this sounds preachy, but here goes. Service really is an amazing thing and helps you feel more meaning in life. There are times in life to be on the giving end and on the receiving end, or maybe even both. Serving someone will get you out of your own head and problems for a minute and let you feel how good it feels to make a difference. As corny as it sounds, it's true.
It also makes you aware of the difficult problems other people are going through. While it is not good to compare problems with others because you never really know what difficulties someone is facing, it can make you aware of things you should be grateful for.
It is so easy in difficult times to get stuck in the muck and think that our lives are all bad and no good. When I was going through post-partum depression and feeling like everything was bleh and life would never be happy again, I started reading Elizabeth Smart's book about her experience being kidnapped and found again. I came to realize all the major things I take for granted, especially compared to the severe emotional, sexual, and physical abuse she went through on a daily basis. Suddenly, waking up many times a night for months with a fussy baby didn't seem so bad at all.
5. Channel your creativity
Find a creative outlet of some sort. Crafts, music, cooking, sewing, crocheting, gardening, painting, wood-working, graphic designing, etc. Express yourself. Add more beauty to the world. You don't have to be amazing at whatever you do, just do it. This one also helps with the sense of accomplishment and feeling more meaning in life.
6. Get moving!
Exercise can be an extremely helpful way to lift your mood. There is always the added perk of having it make you sleep better too. It is okay to start small, a 10-minute workout is better than no workout. Sometimes 10 minutes is all your depression can handle that day. That's okay. Get up and get moving. The trick is to do it regularly because fitness is something you lose quickly (about 2 weeks according to my past track coaches). If you do aerobic exercise once a week, you won't feel much improvement because you will essentially be starting back where you left off before your days off.
You may be wondering how on earth you can motivate yourself to workout when you are depressed and lack of motivation happens to be a hallmark feature of depression. That is a good point, however, that is where some helpful strategies come in (because you need more than just thinking about exercising). One that works for me is to sign up for a race, that way I know I have something to work toward and keep me motivated. Another way is finding a friend to workout with and scheduling specific workout times so you are less likely to back out.
7. Let the sunshine in
I am a believer that nature can be incredibly healing. Find some time each day to be outdoors, even if it is simply sitting outside. When indoors, open the blinds. Our brains respond to natural light. SAD, Seasonal Affective Disorder, is something many people face partly due to less sunshine in their daily lives. I realize there are certain parts of Alaska where having sun during the day is very limited, but do what you can.
Hope this post helps someone! Remember if you have severe depression, I would suggest you schedule a formal appointment with a professional. If you are having suicidal thoughts, please reach out either by call or text (741-741). You have something to live for even if it doesn't feel like it right this moment.
First, understand that self-care is not a selfish thing. Too often we think by taking the time we need to rejuvenate ourselves, we are somehow hurting our loved ones or failing them. Not true. If anything, going too long without prioritizing self-care hurts them much more in the long run.
Nobody is beyond the need for self-care. Even the kindest and most-enduring person will snap or burnout eventually. So don't snap or burnout. Take time for the self-care you need. Maybe your schedule really is so busy that it doesn't allow any time for self-care. Guess what, you are allowed to say no to things. When you say no to something, you are saying yes to something else. In sum, self-care is not selfish. Find what helps you relax and recoup and start doing it! It is a must!
Now onto that list of basic little things you can do to boost your spirits in those low times...
1. Get some rest and something to eat.
Replenish that energy folks! Too often, people get so caught up in their emotion they totally forget their basic needs. Everything is going to be more intense and horrible feeling when you haven't eaten or slept in too long. Take a break from your misery parade and have a snack and/or a good nights sleep. (Refer to this link for help: https://thementalaidstation.blogspot.com/2018/03/sleep-vs-anxiety.html)
2. Take a shower and get ready for the day
I know, this one sounds too simple to be helpful. You're probably thinking, 'A shower and an outfit won't help my major problems!' Well that's true, but it really can help your mood. This basic task is a major feat for someone with depression. Once it is completed though, there is an instant mood boost. Any completed task or sense of accomplishment (even basic things) give your brain a little dopamine boost. We are wired to accomplish things. This is why when we don't, we tend to feel pretty crappy about ourselves. The cycle continues when we stop trying to do things because we feel so bad about ourselves (more about this cycle in this post http://thementalaidstation.blogspot.com/2018/04/the-balancing-act-of-control.html)
3. Connect with someone
Social connection is a human need, and no matter how hard we try to stifle it and replace it with internet connection, we still all need social connection regularly. Yes there are introverts and extroverts, but it's safe to say everyone stays more sane and stable when they feel like they mean something to other people and vise-versa.
Maybe you're not the type to open up about your feelings to people. Maybe you feel like you would burden them. Think about how freeing it can feel though? Yes it feels risky and vulnerable, but it will help you feel understood and connected to someone. Just try it (with someone you have built trust with, not a random person you just barely met preferably). What could really go wrong?
4. Find someone to serve
I know this sounds preachy, but here goes. Service really is an amazing thing and helps you feel more meaning in life. There are times in life to be on the giving end and on the receiving end, or maybe even both. Serving someone will get you out of your own head and problems for a minute and let you feel how good it feels to make a difference. As corny as it sounds, it's true.
It also makes you aware of the difficult problems other people are going through. While it is not good to compare problems with others because you never really know what difficulties someone is facing, it can make you aware of things you should be grateful for.
It is so easy in difficult times to get stuck in the muck and think that our lives are all bad and no good. When I was going through post-partum depression and feeling like everything was bleh and life would never be happy again, I started reading Elizabeth Smart's book about her experience being kidnapped and found again. I came to realize all the major things I take for granted, especially compared to the severe emotional, sexual, and physical abuse she went through on a daily basis. Suddenly, waking up many times a night for months with a fussy baby didn't seem so bad at all.
5. Channel your creativity
Find a creative outlet of some sort. Crafts, music, cooking, sewing, crocheting, gardening, painting, wood-working, graphic designing, etc. Express yourself. Add more beauty to the world. You don't have to be amazing at whatever you do, just do it. This one also helps with the sense of accomplishment and feeling more meaning in life.
6. Get moving!
Exercise can be an extremely helpful way to lift your mood. There is always the added perk of having it make you sleep better too. It is okay to start small, a 10-minute workout is better than no workout. Sometimes 10 minutes is all your depression can handle that day. That's okay. Get up and get moving. The trick is to do it regularly because fitness is something you lose quickly (about 2 weeks according to my past track coaches). If you do aerobic exercise once a week, you won't feel much improvement because you will essentially be starting back where you left off before your days off.
You may be wondering how on earth you can motivate yourself to workout when you are depressed and lack of motivation happens to be a hallmark feature of depression. That is a good point, however, that is where some helpful strategies come in (because you need more than just thinking about exercising). One that works for me is to sign up for a race, that way I know I have something to work toward and keep me motivated. Another way is finding a friend to workout with and scheduling specific workout times so you are less likely to back out.
7. Let the sunshine in
I am a believer that nature can be incredibly healing. Find some time each day to be outdoors, even if it is simply sitting outside. When indoors, open the blinds. Our brains respond to natural light. SAD, Seasonal Affective Disorder, is something many people face partly due to less sunshine in their daily lives. I realize there are certain parts of Alaska where having sun during the day is very limited, but do what you can.
Hope this post helps someone! Remember if you have severe depression, I would suggest you schedule a formal appointment with a professional. If you are having suicidal thoughts, please reach out either by call or text (741-741). You have something to live for even if it doesn't feel like it right this moment.
